June 12, 2023
It’s been such a rollercoaster of emotions the last couple of months as my Grandmother prepares to meet her Jesus.
And, even though I know she’d be mad at me for posting this picture, I think she looks so beautiful AND peaceful.
My parents both died young after multiple, significant traumatic brain injuries and struggles, so we never went through this part of life together. I stood beside them both and learned how to be a good advocate for their health decisions, rehab, legal battles, finances and daily living provisions… However, the one thing I never learned was how to let go and ”not fight for life.” I have literally cried out to God that “I don’t know how to just let my Gram die!” Two months ago she was walking 1.5 miles a day… It’s taken a lot of prayer, conversations with my Gram and quiet time with myself to find peace. And, I’ve had to find peace in this journey alone a lot; coming to the realization that loved ones often can’t deal with the fact that she’s preparing to leave us. It’s HARD!! REALLY HARD!! The dark hours of enduring the last bits of pain, sorrow and sprinkled precious joy…are excruciating at times. I do my best to comfort her, to provide, to advocate, to not lose myself…to let go… Live and love. And, then love her enough to let her go… “It’s not for Sissies…” my Gram says. I’m grateful for every minute I get to look in her eyes and hold her hand in silence. Words aren’t the important part anymore…
~ Kim Kennedy Hoff